Confessions of a Binge Eater
One of my innermost kept secrets is that I am a binge eater. I would say that yes, I definitely have Binge Eating Disorder or BED.
Binge Eating Is Visible To All
Unlike alcoholism or another addiction/secret that can remain mostly hidden, binge eaters wear the results of their habit on their body, so the thing I hate most about myself on display for all to see.
Yet we keep doing it, why? It’s so frustrating knowing that we have the power to change our lives and not being able to harness that power no matter how bad we want it.
My Binge Eating Story
I’m being an open book here so I might as well go ahead and let you know the nutshell version of my embarrassing weight and binge eating history.
I think we’ll all nod when I say the cliche “I’ve tried every diet in the book.”
Are you rolling your eyes yet? Same here and my knee-jerk reaction is to feel disgusted and angry for failing all of them, and I know you can relate.
I have been reading a lot about the diet industry and statistics (yawn) etc. though and I realize now that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself about “failing diets” because in all reality, diets failed me; and they’re failing you too.
My ULTIMATE failure was that I had weight loss surgery in 2014 (vertical sleeve) and lost 100 lbs exactly but promptly gained back about 40 lbs – recently I’ve gained 20 more.
freaking evil carbs and nasty addictive food like products.
Read here for more info on what’s in your food
Binge Eating is embarrassing- read more in my future post about my surgery, etc.
Binge Eating Facts
Doesn’t that shift your paradigm a little? I know my brain did a complete belly flop when I learned all of this information
Books about self-love etc…. links
More On My Binge Eating Confessions
I crave carbs and sugar like crazy, basically from the moment I wake up to the time I go to sleep at night. Daily.
That and the see stupid sugar free monster drinks, my brain likes to create strong habits and squeeze them tightly like a giant soft plush teddy bear.
When I say binge eating, I mean that when I want cookies and I want to eat the entire box.
Generally, I can’t because of my weight loss surgery (read more here) but when I binge, I zone out until before I know it, I’ve had way too much and I feel sick to my stomach and overly full.
And I feel that shame and guilt and self-hatred too.
I can never “just eat one or two” or “come on, just a little won’t hurt anything” because in my mind there would be no point, that would just tease my taste buds, my brain, and my bloodstream.
I am an introvert x2, and I rarely leave the house but If I don’t have junk food though, bet your bottom dollar I’ll be getting my coat on and I’ll get there one way or another.
Even worse, I’ve gotten my kids in on the action.
I’ve had my 17-year-old daughter drive to the store, or my 13-year-old son ride his bike there for me. (Can I hide now?)
(I am not at all proud of this, that’s why this post is called “Confessions of a Binge Eater” because I’m sharing what I’m ashamed of. I wouldn’t be sharing these things if I didn’t think it could help someone else who is down on themselves for the same things, and this isn’t a topic that’s talked about enough, so it’s easy to feel alone. I love being vulnerable and an open book because I want others (you) to know that you are not alone.
Just Quit Binge Eating Then
Oh, should I eat less and move more, is that what you propose? I’ve never thought about that! I’m being a little bit snarky here because haven’t we heard IT ALL?
I’ve tried every diet in the book, books, oh so. Many. Books.
Binge eating has a stronghold on its victims though, and it’s simply not that simple.
You’re Not So Different From a Binge Eater
Do you know that one thing that you just puffy-heart love and can’t imagine giving up even though you know your addiction/obsession/habit isn’t healthy for you and your life could be better without it?
- Sex obsessed
- A smoker
- An alcoholic aka “I could stop if I wanted to”
- A night owl
- On your phone or another device all day
- A heavy coffee drinker
- Binge eating brings us comfort similarly to the way that those things do for you.
Instead of hours of video games, or taking multiple smoke breaks, we turn to food.
For some of U.S. citizens, it’s more- our lives might be so bleak that yummy food feels like the only joy we have in life. With depression, I sat firmly in this category or more like laid.
“Binge Eating Has No Power Over Me” aka This Ends Now
Labyrinth is one of my favorite movies and the line near the end when she realizes that she has control “ That line comes to mind when I think about how I lose control with food.
It’s my motto, you should take it up too 🙂 If you join my mailing list, you can get into my little free resource library where I’ve created a pretty printable for you to print and be reminded that food has no power over you. I also made a phone wallpaper version for you, so that you’re reminded everywhere you go.
I’eve got to stop this right now because while food feels like a friend, it’s most certainly isn’t.
what b.e.d. Has taken from me:
- Self-esteem-it’s hard to feel good about yourself when you’re trying to hide something you feel so much shame about- (even though you shouldn’t, more about that in part 2)
- cute sense of style- ok I’ve never been a fashionista by any stretch, but I felt cute back in the da, ok? Now? Frump City. I miss NOT crying in the dressing room.
- Energy- I feel so exhausted and fatigued all the time now and I’m only 188 lbs.. (my highest was 240) I miss playing outside with the kids- going places without being down for the count for 3+ days
- my ability to focus my 6 kids want to show me stuff, ask me stuff, tell me stuff- which is amazing, don’t get me wrong , the problem lies in my lack of ability to keep up with it all.
- My happiness and quality of life- I want my happy, energetic, silly self back. I’m missing living. I’m 35 and I feel 75 or maybe even older- I’ve seen those great grandma/grandpas that are running marathons, mkay?
My secret isn’t a secret anymore and I hope that I don’t have to experience any more guilt about secrets anymore. Well this one anyway, I’ll work on my many other faults in the future- you might wanna sign up for my emai
I’m going to write about my short-term and long-term plans on Monday. I’m so excited to start this journey and LIVE the rest of my life with a smile and a pep in my step.
Please feel free to pin these to your Pinterest boards so that you don’t forget about this post!